Sleep & Money

sape tau punca tido yg tapernah cukup?walaupon aku da tido mlm(tp tido yg tade quality la.asik2 terbgn),tghari(time lunch an hour or so) dan tido lg waktu mlm.tp smalam aku da tido byk2 pastu mlm mengantuk then this morning i have difficulties to wake up as usual.aku penat la rase penat and not having enuff sleep.sape tau?

dan sape tau mcm mane nakasi tido yg berquality without sleeping pills?aku cam ade je a bottle of sleeping pills but i dont really wanna depend on it as i know it wud lead me to something big seperti continuously consuming that thing.its addictive u know dan lagi satu ubat batuk.sbb aku penah je few weeks tido with the help of the great sleeping pills hehe

dan aku blm penah lg spend my money wisely.sbb aku senang terjebak.

1st thought : diet fairuz diet.bdn da besar mcm gajah.peha da mcm peha lembu.nnt byk duit bole beli baju masa kurus.

setelah beberapa minit

tape la..esok bole diet.duit ni cukup smpi akhir bulan nih..

lps tu kau tgk la mcmane i go thru my days without money.akibat daripada membaziran yg melampau.aku list sat mende yg aku beli

1. daim cake (this lately je)
2. swedish meatballs (ni pun this lately je)
3. rokok (ini mknan ruji)
4. fast foods (ni pon aku da boring)
5. reload cards (ini pon keperluan)
6. online shopping (hmmm ni tade comment)
7. makanan (ni perlu utk idup pe)
8. minyak kete (fuel price naik mcm gampang tau x)
9. unnecessary stuff(ni semua nafsu)
10. books (adoii yg ni aku agak susah nak resist la)

so there goes whole month salary..bijak kan perbelanjaan aku?well done fairuz

lps tu sibuk kasitau mak da tade duit...bile ade duit tak igt plak kat org tua.will move to new house very soon.semua aku nabeli..aku nak list lg

1. Laptop (ni perlu.im still studying kene buat assignment hehe alasan je)
2. katil (utk bilik baru)
3. Study desk (utk umah baru wlupon jarang study)
4. almari baju (wlupon baju aku xbyk aku tetap kene beli)
5. punch bag with stand (ni nmpk cam taperlu je tp aku kene beli)
6. PSP red in color (ni aku perlukan buat masa ni)

in short,i need more money.

Rock Night

bile aku punye malas suda dtg,aku akan delay entry sampai berkurun2..im still in the office tho.got ntg to do at home (snbrnye ade je..kemas bilik,basuh baju basuh pinggan etc) and i got billing to settle off before tomorrow but being a procrastinator i always wait till the last min.dan aku benci buat last min but cudnt help it T__T

moving on to the annual dinner held last saturday at sunway convention centre.konon nabangun awal la kan but...aku sempat layan astro dulu..baring2 then off to the office to print out lucky chair numbers (hahaha naida suh aku buat da seminggu)..so printed out and laminate it.gunting2 then tggu siti.before that..on the way to the office,aku stuck in a bloody traffic jam for an hour n half.mmg babi...da tau ari sabtu tghari yg pi tutup jalan tu nape syaitooooooonnnnnn????bodo giler..angin tul aku.oh nak menambahkan marah,i have to wait for ct for 1/2jam sbb die nak anta her niece to her sis's office,persoalan nye nape ta hantar sblm tu??but nvm since she apologized and aku mls nak take it too serious.

ade lagi la mende nakasi aku marah...we were supposed to take the flyover to get to CP3 tetapi...disbbkan ade je kimak2 yg nakasi aku marah,die tutup jalan tu...aihh...bila aku da passed the other turn tu ade la satu malaun ni naik moto alihkan the cones...babi babi...i was cursing like hell..i have to make u-turn to take the other flyover.da naik tu igtkan bole la kan naik pi CP3 tu...mane tau the turn to CP3 pun tutup.BABI!!!dlm map tu suruh semua staff park kat CP3 tp tutup..aku tanye mamat2 jaga parking tu die kate penuh..hai la babi...lps tu aku kene pusing the whole parking lot utk cari parking..kau tau la pyramid tu semua parking penuh during weekends...aku da memaki2 semua org...aih...we managed to get a parking la..tu pon agak jauh gak..masuk je convention centre,kau tau aku jumpa sape???org2 mane tah..keje kerajaan la kot..penuh gila kat situ..aku igt da salah masuk..rupa2nye there were another 2 function going on at the same time.patut la parking penuh.inform la sakai!tayah aku maki2.

aku masuk ballroom..tgk semua tgh buat preparation.then me n ct were preparing our task,lps tu ade la sekor manusia bodo ni pi sound aku 'weh asal kau tapakai baju committee?tade size eh hahaha'..i was speechless.aku namaki balik BUT aku rase org2 'hebat' dan 'hensem' mcm die taperlu dilayan sbb he s pathetic anyway.da abis we headed to the hotel room..to change together with the boys...lain2 bilik la.aku igt sape la yg rambut pjg2 tu..kau tau sape?artis jemputan,MAY.lps die perform mlm tu br la aku tau die sape hahahaha aku rase cam bodo giler sbb aku ckp ngan the vocalist tu mcm kwn2 je hahaha...

smpi bilik aku namandi...pastu ade la satu incident ni yg membuat kan parut tu tak ilang smpi skang...which is very babi la kan...abis mandi aku tukar baju..haha bukan baju ape pon..took tau the cap,bandana and jacket.aku pakai je baju crew and seluar keje hahaha aku tade duit la time tu.mls nak membazir lebey2.i put on the bandana tp dorang sume kate mcm org bwk motor besar..so aku bukak.selalu nye...selalu nye la yg naik2 moto besar ni bengis,org tua,gatal dan buncit hahaha wlupon aku buncit tp aku tak bengis dan tua..tua sikit la...tp bukan tua sgt la and im definately bukan gatal hehe waited for many people to put on my make up.cik siti kite pakai make up artis la..and the result mmg cantik.depa ade je ajak aku aritu tp aku maleh la..yana turned her hair into striking green..fuiyoo semua rock abis...puteri came out of no where lps berjam2 mencari bilik and she had a quick change and she put on eye shadow kat aku la..mane aku reti mende2 camtu.aku naturun sbb lapar(satu hari aku tamakan okeh) lps tu tade org jaga counter,igt nak tolong la..tetapi ramai yg suro aku tgu.i colored puteri's hair..ok la bukan color pun highlight je belang2 pink n green.the green color turned out to be a total bitch bcz die da tak function di saat2 akhir.aku suro hanie highlight two lines of pink color on my hair.lps t turun...huh kau tau la mase tuh sume cam takenal aku dan aku pon barely regonize them sbb semua cam lain ngan rmbut pjg bagai...

event started,aku kene naik atas stage sebagai pemegang hadiah(ade ke pekataan tu?aku tatau) so was quite bz and im so amazed with the meet uncle hisham band(yana,fzn,rdf,lan,azmi).layaaaaaaan...lain2 band(sa2g,rwg) aku tatgk.bkn sbb aku sombong tanak tgk tp sbb aku tatau lagu mende dorang nyanyi...yg band meet uncle hisham tu sbb aku ikut depa pi jamming...so agak teruja la bile diorg perform.ala lg pun kwn2 kan...excited lebey la.this dinner turned out to be a concert lps semua org melantak.as usual la..kalo ade dinner ke family day ke mmg havoc nak mati...mlm tu ramai mcm kene rasuk hahaha...it was a blast,it was fun..very fun.mls da aku natulis..so gonna post pic below

yana n me

aku da cik sititop management hahaha giler sporting kan boss2 aku

meet uncle hisham L-R (RDF,RA,,Yana,FZN,Anas(ni bkn members ni haha) Front,Azmi

RDF..gila smart gmbr nih

cam concert la plak

L-R; siti semah,yana,me and put (aku je paling pendek :( )

head banging..ni budak warehouse aku jgk hahaha rosak

rock kapakkkk

-.-'

2 days to go...lps tu kene involve in annual dinner.byk la pulak kan aku dpt suggestion but aku tatau sesuai utk aku ke x..but anyway im not gonna wear smtg too revealing or colorful.im all black hahaha

last night i was rushing to klia for viv's departure.she leaving for melbourne to study.fie n phynie was crying like shit when she walked in.i reached there 5mins before she went in.sbb aku tatau jln pegi klia.ya ya i know it sounds stupid la kan but i never been there alone wat..was with wani.fie told me she s leaving for singapore to work.get the experience,get whole bunch of money and come back but uncle told her to play in spore for few months and come back to help him out.hahaha

all of sudden i think..i THINK i miss him.after months not feeling that way,tiba2 aku rase aku rindu dia.i miss him being what he used to be.i miss him being humble.or maybe i was blind back then.maybe i see the good side of him.or maybe he was just pretending being what he used to be.or maybe,i finally realize he belongs to someone else.

Everyday Blues

dad woke me up today
bebel psl aku suka bgn last min
a very cloudy morning
and raining heavily
feel so sleepy

aku benci bila hujan buat aku mengantuk
lg satu aku kehabisan rokok..urgghhhh

guess what the rumours are true wey
Krispy Kreme is opening at one utama HAHAHAHAHAHA
mati la malaysian skali lg beramai2 pegi OU
kalo dulu lps months j.co bukak kat pyramid n pavilion baru aku bole mkn
ni krispy kreme pe tah lg..
babi btol..
ni sume setan2 yg tanak kasi aku stick to my diet

aku benci bila laki yg sibuk suh aku kenalkan depa ngan kwn2 aku
carik la sndiri wey
kau kan..hebat
kau kan...hensem
kau kan...bagus
dan kau juga...da experience sume benda dlm dunia ni
takan la ngan pompuan pn tabole handle
pemalu la sgt...
haaa kan mulut aku da jahat
tetibe jd mak nam memaki hamun org
hish

Tiring Day

i hate the fact that i have to wake up at 6.45am everyday
except weekdays
tu pon kalo tade company event
i was forced to join the event committee tho i ve decided not to take part this year
tp da sume kwn2 yg organized event
terpaksa la aku support :)

went out to ikea with yana today
aku tapenah lg pegi sana
kesian kan??
haih...rambang mata jap
bapak byk beli brg
sakit kaki weh plus headache bile shopping
tau je la yana tu kalo suh pusing ikea 10ribu kali pon die takisah
i was never a shopaholic
i never like to shop like any other girls
i find it tiring and wasting time
aku akan pegi shopping bila aku kena shopping
tade la suka2 nak jalan2 lama
nnt aku pening la
but yana,being a shopaholic herself stops at every department
mati la aku nak ikut die
tp it was fun
thought of looking for some new stuff for my new room
aku da tala 15pcs meatball kat ikea and cupcakes
abis la diet aku T__T

last sunday mom told me the renovation has started
aku tgk pelak umah
kau tau harga renovation tu brape?
tambah lg 2 riban da sama dgn harga umah kat sek20
gila babeng mahal
but i got a room for myself :)
which means i get to put my stuff inside
tade sape bole kacau brg aku
im thinking of buying a punch bag
hehehe bole la aku lepas geram lps ni
tp aku dpt bilik tu kecik je
mcm mane aku nak letak buku2 aku?
katil lg...punch bag lg

aku tatau nak pakai ape time dinner this saturday
nape la depa gatal letak theme every year?
susah tau x aku nacari baju2
kalo aku ni size 0 ke..size 4 ke kan senang
i really need to continue my diet
i managed to get a pvc jacket,black leather cap and a bandana
suar pon aku tade
kasut petah lg
mati la aku...committee plak tu
yg budak2 ni gatal suh aku jd usher director
mati lg la aku

im damn broke T__T

July sucks

im down with flu,cough and fever
how pathetic

i was so busy yday
woke up early
headed straight to the office
did some operation works
took my medication
headed to SA1G
waited for ct and yana to come
fell asleep
woken up by yana
off to Rafi for a drink
waited for many ppl
talked to ex-colleague
he confesed...whatever
at night off to Sg Buloh to support the band
they did a great job
went for late supper
had limau panas
went back
was on the phone for few mins
and fell asleep
the pills really did an awesome job
they put me to sleep in 5 mins or less

i woke up today
thought of joining the Hino Bowling Tournament
but i lepak at parents room instead
i just realized i haven't seen both of them for a week
and i miss my mom
i miss my dad
i was supposed to teman them everyday
since my other siblings weren't home
but i chose to entertain my friends
i chose to prioritized my friends
dont u think im a selfish bitch?

had a conversation with fie,
tot of asking her out for a movie
since it viv's bday
they re gonna celebrate it with the family
she sounded very unpleasent
i asked her why
she said she'll let me know later
not today
am i at fault or sumthing?
it feels very uncomfortable

now,here i am
in the office
updating my blog and facebook
read one of my sis's blog in myspace
i feel bad
she was ill for the past few days
and i didn't even know it
she wanted to talk to me 2 nights ago
but i told her i need my sleep,wasn't feeling well
little that i know,she missed me and the family
and she didn't tell me about it
received her sms last night
saying she wanted to come back home so bad
and only this evening i got to know that no one take care of her
esp when she was sick
she left her blanket at fren's hse
said last 2 night was a very cold night
once again,i feel so selfish
this time as a big sister

when i was driving to Sunway this evening
i picture myself
facing the death of my family members
i can see myself in a very horrible situation
i can see myself getting really wasted and stupid
i see myself being somebody,who i wasnt supposed to be

today
is one of the day
that i feel i dont deserve anyone
that i feel useless and selfish

hopefully
tonight this feeling will go away
or else im gonna stuck in this mood
in a very long time

hopefully
i dont have to feel this way again
at least,not at this moment.

Reality Check

tell me again...
why on earth do u think im interested in u???
gorgeous sgt ke kau??
bagus sgt ke kau???
intelligent sgt ke kau???
so tell me again...
why did u spread rumours about me interested in u??
i wasnt talking about u the other day
so jgn la perasan sgt!!!

to me looks doesnt really matter
well..it does but that is not priority la kan
takan la kau nak tgk muka pecah ari2..
mau muntah nnt..
i like someone who knows how to be flexible
someone who could blend in with my friends
who doesnt show off
who doesnt patheticly make a fool of himself
who doesnt brag about what he has/done
who doesnt care less about being cool
and who is not ashame of what i am
most important,the one who accept me for who i am

and guess what, that is not Y.O.U!

buzz off will ya

and one more thing,just because im being friendly and goes out for a drink with u,it doesnt mean that i like u.and it doesnt mean that im interested to be someone special in ur so-called-pathetic life and definately doesnt mean that u r a friend to me.u're jz a colleague.nothing more nothing less.so jgn nak perasan lebey2...poyo tu slow sikit ya :)

Stupidity

i feel stupid...
the thing that i have done last night was totally pathetic
ni semua nafsu tau x..hahaha

anyway..i ve been doing some thinking,calculations,tambah sana sini...
i think imma quit my job
parents told me not to since i have only 3 semesters left in Uitm
cant take it la
aihhh

im broke for almost 3 months now..
i have no money for new semster's fees
i feel stupid again
i dont think i spent it on food
cz i rarely craving for expensive food these days
and bcz of the bloody hike up of petrol price,i have to limit my journey everyday
damn babi wan
nak pegi pyramid beli j.co suka2 mcm dulu pon pk 2-3 kali
cilake laaa...

there is this one girl, a malay girl
she is freaking annoying..talking to me in malay with chinese slang
i find it annoying bcz she doesnt speak chinese,she doesnt look like one
AND i swear she sounded so stupid trying hard talking to me in malay like a chinese.wtf
and as if its the coolest thing to do,she keeps on talking till i feel like giving her a bitch slap and kick her in front of the loading bay so the lorry wud jz knock her to death.
wtf im so evil
but i hate her.

ok..enuff of my altogether mocking stupid ppl n myself :)

i THINK i should shut my fucking mouth.
cz it pisses everyone off
cz it hurt people's feeling
and cz it makes me sound so sluty
what a bitch

Tha FUCK?

OMG..i jz discovered something evil about myself.
and it scares the fuck outta me.
i must be very bitchy back then.
and i think i have split personality.


just when i thought nothing could go wrong,it jz did.
bloody stupid

some issues

1. Promises are NOT meant to be broken.

2. When karma strikes, and when it bites hard, it'll turn out to be a total BIATCH.

3. Life isn't always about a bed of roses, it is also full of SHIT.

4. Everything isn't always about u. There are other people living in this planet. So.. respect, be considerate, and stop being a SELFISH son of a bitch.

5. THINK before u speak. Or else u'll end up making a fool of urself.

6. Age don't determine maturity.

7. There is NO such word as FOREVER.

8. Friends come and go, but family stays thru thick and thin.

9. Backstabbing is SO normal for typical minded peeps. Get used to it.

10. Last minute cancellation caused major mood swing.

11. Ditching someone, for someone else and get caught, is so NOT cool.

12. If you lied, make sure you wont get caught. And if you DO, just shut the fuck up. Dont try to cover up your lies with another lie. That is so pathetic.

13. Akademi Fantasia & other reality TV show are SO LAME. Stop being crazy over something stupid. If they're talented, they'll get thru it without SMS votes.BODOH betul

14. Tak payah belagak cam gf/bf korang sgt HOT seperti (ni ikut ranking hensem hot aku la eh) Wentworth Miller,Tom Cruise (old..i know i know), Angelina Jolie, atau pun THEN Britney Spears (spot the THEN aku bkn berckp tentang skrg)...so tak payah la pandang2 aku cam aku ni nak rampas bf kau yg muka tabole blah tu ok?

15. If u did something wrong, admit it. Explain yourself and LEARN. Dont try to pusing2 here n there 10KM and end up on the same spot.fucker betol...

i sounded emo.wtf

Bitch

Some girls are so bitchy talking behind other people's back till i feel like giving my front kick to their face so they'll finally realize they cant fool everyone with their beauty..but then again...cantik ke kau???

Karma is such a bitch..when it bites,u'll find urself having difficulties to deal with it.haih..babi betul..

My work turned out to be the utmost bitchy cz it bores the fuck outta me.

AND seriously,i need a fuckin vacation cz my hatred towards everything im going thru now has gone beyond my expectation.

i give up on you. Watching u and admiring ur moves everyday nuff to make me feel like a loser.

Exam Result

my sister called up asking me if i checked my result.i thought result will be announced on monday.i quickly logged in student portal.dgn rase tak bersalah atau nervous i clicked on exam result site.know wat...turned out i passed all papers!! unbelievable.BECAUSE im pretty sure that i did bad on my last paper as stated on my previous entry.i quickly checked on subject code.so i passed.lemme tell u smtg...on my last paper,i left most of the essay's section BLANK.simply because i dont know wat to elaborate or wat to answer.before final exam,the lecturer gave out 2 assignments.an individual assignment and group assignment.i didnt submit my individual assignment.why?because i dont know how to do it.i have been given a chance to submit it before or on the exam day itself but i didnt do it.because i dont knw how.wat is axiom means anyway?i dont elaborate axiom or make any research about tht stupid axiom.


TADA~ tgk tgk aku lulus la....spot the interpersonnal communication..hahahahah i passed!!!!never thought wud pass la kan...im not saying im not thankful...tp it was so unbelievable...but believe it..cewah cam ripley's believe it or not kan..hahaha semua tekejut weh aku pass...tp aku tetap xpuas ati kene amik BEL250 yg the whole class da amik...aku benci ketinggalan paper English..isshhhhhh

Spring cleaning

So ermm...
was supposed to update this long ago.woke up around 10 n headed to puteri's hse.she's moving to another house located in sec13.since the lorry will be arriving around 2.30pm and she havent pack a single thing,so i help her out.im tellin ya,she have bunch of clothings (tees,hoodies,pants,shorts etc) and she told me she only have few of them.wtf.

byk gila til we dont know which one shud we start.so,we segregate everything.i told her to fold her clothes so its easier to unpack when she reach her new home.she ended up taking the whole thing and place it in the plastic T__T told her not to do tht liao la...knowing her i know she wont fold it nicely and stuff it on her wardrobe.

dis is what we (...or she?) did when both dont know which one to start.and guess wat...she can fit in the box.she's too thin unlike me T__T

puteri and her housemate sbnrnye..menternak sampah...gila byk sampah...haih...and being women themselves,they stuffed the house wt their shoes.i swear...they got A WHOLE LOT.andddd puteri stuffed 2 standard boxes of her handbags/sling bags.i barely got any T__T aku tatau la nape perempuan2 ni beli semua2 bende tu when they still have many of them.aku xtipu...penuh sampah dr barang hahaha

we finished cleaning up the house around 12.headed to secret receipe before that.had many dishes and i was a fucked pregnant whale.and we continue unpack everything and i went home by 2am.da lama x berpeluh..skali kuar peluh..ha kau..mandi berjuta kali.i was super tired on that nite but it was quite fun,done cleaning and helping this unwanted child clearing her stuff.i feel like a mother wtf

owh btw..her housemate is an annoying bitch haha

BFF day out

i did bad on my last paper 'interpersonal communication' and felt really bad about it.becauuuuuse,i cant study.sleptover at puteri's hse the night before paper and was supposed to study but....i ended up watching E! channel til dawn T___T


i ve gone beserk the next morning bcz i know i wud flunk the paper.trying to clear my mind and focus on at least one bloody chapter.i cudnt even elaborate one term...benci :(


i talked to fie about it and she told me not to think about it too much cz obviously i ve walked out from the exam hall.i was super uncomfortable thinking about the upcoming result.huh br tau skang..br nak menggelabah.i never been like this before...i mean even since i was in high school.when i got in UiTM,i tell myself not to take this chance lightly.but u know...being me,always take things carelessly.

i went out with fie on saturday after work.we did some movie marathon.not knowing wat to do we simply choose 'what happen in vegas' and 'speed racer'.Vegas is one hell of a hilarious story cast by cameron diaz and ashton kutcher.since the next movie was an hour gap we decided to treat our-fat-selves some secret receipe.we ordered bunch of food and fie ended up finishing the whole meal haha...we were late for speed racer and rushed to jusco again.on the way there fie told me that Rain(not hujan..the actor) act in that movies.i tulan her dee...cz i dont like that pretty kid.urgghhh..the speed racer movie....is too futuristic for my liking.so we left after 15-20 mins watching that fake racing.

off to sunway and decided to stopped by Rainforest.me and fie had a freaking long conversation about me and 'him', her and her annoying colleagemate.haha so while we were talking, i was sms-ing puteri asking where she up to that night.and ended up she was there as well.she saw me seeking for table.i asked if i can join since she was alone.so me n fie for a lil while and off to p.klang.dad called and tellin me head home.

this entry is boring,i know.cz i got no mood to blog.wtf.

Random

so i havent been blogging for quite some time now.being such a lazy ass to update eventho i have the laptop in the room.exam week started last week and LORD,please make me realise that it is so important for me to study.i didnt worry shit about the exam..and its more like i dont really give a fuck about it.and it worries me T__T

i have been going out with few friend for the past few weeks.and spent so much money on food and i wonder y my money was gone even before the next salary.wtf

on the 20th,there was a company event held in pyramid.i woke up around 10 trying to call tuan puteri maslinda farahiyah cz we were planning to go there together.but wth..she woke up at 11 and i waited for her until 12 for her to get ready.anddddddd...before we reached there (bile baru gerak fm shah alam to be exact) wani called up and said our team won 1st place and the event just ended.wtf.dgn rase bersalah serta takut,i speed up and reached the in 20 mins.and straight headed to bowling alley.WTF??semua team da tade....and i thought 'mampos la aku kene bahan esok' because when we had our family day last year,after dinner i was supposed to have this lepak2 with my SA2 team at the beach but i was too tired.so i went there with SA1G team which most of them are the executives.my Sa2 team ckp aku tanak kwn ngan operator level when they found out that i went out with the evecutives.T__T wtf my story is so confusing.

anyway,after keluar fm bowling alley terus pegi cari saki baki SA2-ian at pizza and apologized for being late.after that me and put3 went for lunch at korean rest.i had my i-dont-know-what dish.says in the menu beef with vege.but tau ade ape dlm tu?beef with taugeh.wtf.i dont eat taugeh.taste horrible.put3 had gyoza (dumpling) which xsedap pun..and she had carrot juice.being clumsy herself splat her drinks on my side-dish vege.

Colorful rite?

and being silly.she's cute rite?and she wonders why ppl likes her.blegh

after that we straight headed to NZ Neutral ice cream. each had 2 scoops which makes me bloody happy.i was like a lil kid asking her mummy whether it is ok to grab a few scoops and puteri melayankan aku.huh amik kau.eat like babi nia.then smoke outside J.Co. we went for a movie 'Street King' staring Keanu Reeves.damn song la the movie.i have to grab the popcorns from puteri to avoid her letting go of everything she hold.she had this Midas Touch.Execpt that she dont turn everything she touch into gold but she let go or break everything she touched hahaha then rite we went smoking again...damn sad case dunno wat to do.we kinda met put's big bro.that blur case punya budak rite,took quite few second to regonize her bro.wtf.but her niece...damn chubby..gila tembam wei...comel nak mampos dow.

i dont quite remember what happened next..but for sure i sent her back home and guess i straight headed to the hood.

wtf.i sounded fucking bored in this fucking entry which i ve postponed MANY days alrdy.

Wound

Another turn down
The pain that i thought had gone strikes yesterday
Once again,it blew my mood away
That strike caused so much pain that i hardly breathe
But i tell myself,it can be healed
and i tell myself everything will be fine

but who r u kidding here?

Tagged

I ve been tagged by the great farra nellie suria
Never been tagged before but yeah..guess i just gonna have to do it.

what's inside my bag.

Wallet- i dont have any fave brand so i simply chosed this one black wallet.i've got my i-setan membership card,ID,lisence,ING card, PB card, medical card, blood group card,MPK summon,business cards inside.no cash.i dont stuff cash inside.

iPOD - my black classic ipod with pink casing (i dont pick the casing,my sister did)

Dunhill Light & Lighter - yes aku perokok.ade masalah ke?

Sean John Unforgivable perfume - smells nice.i like the strong scent.next buy - BVLGARI SOIR.giler best rase mcm nak make love ngan perfume pon ade hahaha

Phones - i got my Z610i, another 2 nokias.

Make ups - actually bukan make up pon.basic je.utk emergency.powder,gloss,lip balm,cream.

Charger - i got my ipod and sony ericsson charger.giler organized kan haha

Others - Koala keychain by Effie, TLS & UiTM pass, tah mende lg tah.

yg lain2 sume resit2 je..i stuff many things inside.i never really keep it neat.

i got no one to tag.i dont really know who read this blog.so whoever read this,u've been tagged by me :)

GOOD DAY

Another Betrayal

People take me for granted,people use me to get things that they want.never assume i dont know,i know how they roll.
People lie to me because they think im young and stupid.never assume i'd buy it all,i know how they roll.
People hurt me because they know i can easily forgive and be chirpy again.but baby,i dont forgive and i dont forget,i know how they roll.

Please note that im not as stupid as u people think.i might be young and look as if i dont give a fuck.BUT i remember EVERY single thing been spoken to me and i remember EVERY promise people made.i am very sensitive with what happen around me.i examine everything,i relate things.i think before i speak.and i can sense when people r telling me lies.i am beyond ur expectations,therefore im dangerous.never fuck with me.u dont know what i'd do to hurt.

Current Obsession

Me, Fairuz is so bloody happy after few months in confusion.i get to talk to him for quite long tonight.i dont get his intention being so cute on the phone.maybe he was just tired after a long day at work but i swear i was melting all the way hahaha.i kinda indirectly make my confession.i dont think he even realised.maybe he thought i was just kidding.because i dont think i sounded serious either.ya know,being me, i dont take things seriously most of the time.it was so nice talking to him and i felt slighly relieved after telling him that.i really like his character.and he sounded just like 'him' comel je..terkam kang tau la hahaha wtf but dude,i really like u la.but i know to have him,is impossible.so someone,pls slap me back to reality.lame,i know.

there have been few gossips about me and few fellows in this group and i kinda feel uncomfortable about it.i dont like to be gossip-ed.it sucks cz i dont really know how to snap at them.cz they're friends so i'll end up blushing.wtf.

i dont really like going to work these days but i know if i dont work,how am i supposed to get the money AND i'll be dead bored staying at home alone watching tv.lagipun my colleagues are fun to hang out with.very gila punya kepala.i've been asked this morning what do i do the most when im free...it kept me thinking for a while but i ve been going out for a drink more than 4 times a day.membanyakkan air.wtf.

im too happy la cant really blurt it out.its easier when i was on my gloomy days.wtf

DUDE,I LIKE U........A LOT

Finally

Finally, i could update this blog...

fuck blogger

Nerd

i found a place to rent some books and went in 2 days ago.since i kinda have my financial problem or having this unable-to-spend-money-wisely issue,i decided to rent the books there.see above.those are my new read.hahaha so happy cz i am dying to have new books to read and yet no money to buy.i have finished reading 2 books that i bought in 3 days.

i told myself to calm down and keep myself occupied most of the time.on weekdays im busy with work and classes at night(i often skip class,so prolly i go out for drink with friends) and weekend i am busy with work/replacement class from morning until evening and late afternoon I'll have my Japanese class and at night either I'm on the road alone or go for drink,again.sunday...work again and hang out with people who got nothing to do on Sunday.wtf my English is getting worse.simply because im not in the mood to blog.but whatever.

last sunday,i went to rahmath's wedding at Hin Hua School in Klang.she's my age and she's married.almost 80% of my girlfriends are married wtf.and they kept asking when is my turn including effie.well,i went there with effie,viv and phyn.rahmath is ok la,since im never been so close to her since high school...and one thing that makes me uncomfortable being in the hall was,we were in the center of attention.rahmath is an indian muslim got married to her husband,also an indian muslim.so obviously the majority of the guests were Indian Muslim.i have nothing against them but...they keep looking at us.no,they stared at us.we did nothing except for sitting at the table to makan2 and all la kan...and the girls kept talking to me in Chinese,i hardly can reply them.heck my Chinese is hell teruk dy.kanasai.so after makan2 session we jalan2 looking for rahmath and then we went for cam whoring.haha so sien until dunno what to do.after cam whoring session we left and lepak at their house.watch tv and wrapped the present and off to rahmath's hse.waited for her while watching GOTHIKA.since it was an extremely hot day,Effie gotten really uncomfortable and me n Viv annoyed her wit our senseless jokes haha.it was very fun.AND we plan for a vacation to Redang Island before viv off to Aussie to study.so we re going to Redang on May,yay!

and i love teaching Japanese to the kids in Taman Firdaus.they're fun and excited answering the question.i thought it would be plain boring,u know teaching these mischievous little brats.

i guess that would be all.im tired

Fucked up month

I DONT HAVE ANY LAPTOP ANYMORE
BLOODY HELL!

Excuse my bloody bad words will be used in this entry.because i am super fucked up.if u have problem with it u may click on 'x' button on the top of ur window.thanks hell fucking much,SON!

God hates me this month.i've been through such bloody days.my dad sent my laptop to his friend to find out what went wrong with it since i couldnt switch it on months ago (due to my laziness br skang aku tau bukan battery nye yg rosak.fucker).and know what?turned out my laptop screwed the whole fucking thing.

dad: kwn abah kate laptop ni dah rosak abis.motherboard rosak tade spareparts and also the bios
me:bloody hell!

i feel betrayed!by friends again..motherfucker!i shouldnt be so nice to people.please take note that i am not going to treat u people that nice anymore.

i went out with effie the other day and we laughed about our old days love stories.and even when we were in high school ponteng2 class.hahaha it was so fun.i talked to her about my feelings and i felt a lot better.she knew whole lot things about me.

i miss him :( i miss talking to him the way we used to.oi i fucking miss u la!!!

i just realised my lil bro and sisters has grown up.my lil sisters are now begin to tell stories about their bfs :) i feel old.bloody hell!as usual my lil bro been changing gf every now and then.but me n him have a talk last night im glad he is now taking his study seriously and he is talking about the future.about completing his diploma and start to look for serious relationship.awwww my lil bro dah besar siot.but not having them in the house makes me feel so lonely.i mean i still have my parents but i dont tell things to my parents that much.we kinda have finacial problem.dad has been transferred to wilayah and we r moving to our house in shah alam.the thing is,we dont really have that much money to get house renovated.as in 60K?bloody hell expensive,fucker!

the other day,i was trying to have conversation with my director.BUT i slipped my fucking tounge.i've tried,in japanese mind u.it is so hard and i feel stupid.i used to have this ability to speak japanese fluently,or i thought so..but this time i barely remember how to speak the easiest way of communication.and my colleague make me realise that i have a problem with my pronouncation.they bloody laugh at me.kanasai.my english is getting worst.damn worst.i feel stupid trying to memorize the words everytime i need to work on my reports.hell fuck.i even made few attempts to translate malay words to english...fuck!that bad u see.i should start watching japanese drama and english movies again..haih

i feel relieved =)

Betrayal

it hurts :(
it hurt so much that i think it cud never heal

anyone knows how to get over these kinda pain?
i'll pay u my whole month salary to take this pain away...pls

i do sound so yucky here rite?
gila emo
gila jiwang.wtf
i couldnt help it :(

who says its easy to overcome betryals?

On the Ground

Whenever u see me fall and not being myself at this particular moment,
dont show me sympathy,
dont try to show me that u care,
dont tell me to get over it,
dont tell me to be happy,
dont tell me u r worry,
dont help,
just let me be.

This way,i will taste my own medicine
This way,i will learn my lesson,
that it was my mistake for letting u ppl in,
and it was a big mistake to lay a tiny trust,
though i know no one will appreciate,
my bad,
my stupidity.

By the time when i already pick myself up from this fall,
Never expect me to buy all ur stories again.
This way, i learn fast.

Bullshits

I guess cupid hates me. Instead of making a confession, I am now thinking of giving up. I don’t think my confession really matter. And I don’t think he would care either. And I believe it will lead to a fucking fall which I don’t think I could handle. I never make any confession especially when it comes to this kind of declaration. So I don’t wanna sorry for myself after letting it out,at this wrong moment. And I don’t think there is a right moment to bring this thing up either. So I guess, this is it. Stop this feeling. I don’t wanna have this kinda feeling inside me. When it comes to this one bloody point, i believe when u r in love or out of love, u r never really urself. U tend to think negatively, u tend to do something stupid, and think that the whole world is against u. This is one of the moment when I really need my friends around but they never really there. I just realize best friend, or they might call it 'true friend' never really exist. It’s just a fucking hell myth created by the intelligent people so we could make ourselves better,thinking of the appreciation by people who slightly close to us. I don’t think I need one either. Because I have experienced many times, that friendship ALWAYS betray. Friends DO care about how do u look like, they way u dress up, the way of living and how popular u r. and don’t tell me that u don’t. I just hate humanity. People around don’t really care about u,they always backstab. They tell lies because they just love they feeling when u re buying all those bullshits. They love looking at ur face enjoying how u make a fool of urself. FRIENDSHIP IS BULLSHIT!! Or is it just me?

Im at the state of giving up. Im giving up my friendship, my studies and my work. Everything seems so wrong and fake. BUT sleeping pills never betray. Nitey people. Have a sweet dream, fucker!

Silent Night

since the laptop is still in the room,i ve decided to post an entry.just to jolt down something..something in my mind.been bothering my bloody week.long ago,since in my teenage years until now(cewah cam da tua plak)...i thought i have bestfriends,i thought i have some close friends.but NONE of them were there when i really needed them.even if they were,they dont really help.do i sound selfish?NO,i dont.well..maybe they do help..or maybe i dont let them.i dont know BUT i know that no one is there when i need them.i tend to keep everything to myself.i dont do confessions and i dont whine about hows life been treating me.okay,maybe i have..but not too much.i hate it when people think they know me so well and tell the whole world that they are my bestfriends.i just realise i dont really have bestfriends.i hate being the one who cry herself to sleep this whole bloody week for no particular reasons.Haya told me i always pretend that im fine when im not.she told me i should let it out,so i could at least breathe again.but then again,to whom?someone im comfortable with?i dont really have that someone.i hate being alone,by myself not knowing what to do or where to go.im a very negative person,im paranoid.everytime i fag..i always think about some negative stuff,happened and about to happene or will never happen.i sometimes imagine myself gone totally insane if my family is not around anymore.u know,since family never betray..i never knew what will happen to me if they're gone.im not an independant kinda girl.im dependable,i dont do stuff on my own.i need someone to help me.i remember when i involved in 2 accidents last year,the 1st person i call wud be my dad.who do i share my daily stories and routines?wud be my parents.but i dont share my sadness with them.i dont share my love stories with them.anyway,to avoid me being all stupid thinking about all those negative stuff,i occupy myself with 2 new books that i bought yday's evening.i havent been reading for years already,i jz started around last year and it excites me.i must buy at least 2 or 3 books to make sure i dont have to cry in order to have a nice sleep at nite.

the heck....i dont know what have i confessed but i feel a lilttle better now.watever.dont feel like checking all the grammer or even the entry.

latest book bought

Tell Me Why,Mummy by David Thomas - based on true story (oh i love these based-on-true-story books)

Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella - addicted to her writing after reading her 'Can You Keep A Secret?)

Confession

Should i confess?
or shouldnt i?

my ego is up to the sky
if i let it down,it would be fucking embarasssing
this is killing me inside
but i somehow need to let it out
to him, maybe
to friends,maybe
to strangers,maybe

second thought...
i shouldnt confess
because
it'll ruin the friendship
it'll ruin the whole feeling
bad bad move,
NO

How do you like me now?

2 days ago i went to the doctor..i am not feeling well..i dont feel good.the doctor told me im just fine...but deep inside..i know thats wrong..i know i'm sick.i know im ill.i know im not fine..but then again he said im all good and so i began to question myself what went wrong.perhaps ive been thinking too much..perhaps im lost..perhaps im down..perhaps i feel bad or maybe i am sad..coz these days have been rough.these days have been hard.i looked in the mirror..i couldnt believe my eyes..i hardly know myself..where was once this fine girl..where was once this honest smile..and all i see now is a broken soul and a plain empty smile.a smile made to mask the sorrow.a smile faked to conceal my tears inside.but then ive learnt my biggest lesson in life.life isnt always a bed of roses.life isnt all about happy endings.at times everything u want in life isnt everything u need.at times everything u need isnt everything u want in life..and at times nothing answers everything...and everything doesnt answer anything u want at times.i wish i could bear that in me.and i wish i could say this more often..'goodbye sadness,hello happiness'............

Faded,not

i thought the feeling slowly faded away
i thought i could get over him
i thought i wouldnt miss him anymore
i thought i could move on
because i know, i never had him

but
why do i feel sad
why do i get so depressed
why do i have to be jealous
why do i feel worthless, just because i cant have him

i dont wanna feel this way everyday.
i hate to have this low self esteem issue
i wanna be grateful to be what i am
but seriously, what am i?

P/S : Farra, 'he' is not who u think he is :)