i THINK i should shut my fucking mouth.
cz it pisses everyone off
cz it hurt people's feeling
and cz it makes me sound so sluty
what a bitch

Tha FUCK?

OMG..i jz discovered something evil about myself.
and it scares the fuck outta me.
i must be very bitchy back then.
and i think i have split personality.


just when i thought nothing could go wrong,it jz did.
bloody stupid

some issues

1. Promises are NOT meant to be broken.

2. When karma strikes, and when it bites hard, it'll turn out to be a total BIATCH.

3. Life isn't always about a bed of roses, it is also full of SHIT.

4. Everything isn't always about u. There are other people living in this planet. So.. respect, be considerate, and stop being a SELFISH son of a bitch.

5. THINK before u speak. Or else u'll end up making a fool of urself.

6. Age don't determine maturity.

7. There is NO such word as FOREVER.

8. Friends come and go, but family stays thru thick and thin.

9. Backstabbing is SO normal for typical minded peeps. Get used to it.

10. Last minute cancellation caused major mood swing.

11. Ditching someone, for someone else and get caught, is so NOT cool.

12. If you lied, make sure you wont get caught. And if you DO, just shut the fuck up. Dont try to cover up your lies with another lie. That is so pathetic.

13. Akademi Fantasia & other reality TV show are SO LAME. Stop being crazy over something stupid. If they're talented, they'll get thru it without SMS votes.BODOH betul

14. Tak payah belagak cam gf/bf korang sgt HOT seperti (ni ikut ranking hensem hot aku la eh) Wentworth Miller,Tom Cruise (old..i know i know), Angelina Jolie, atau pun THEN Britney Spears (spot the THEN aku bkn berckp tentang skrg)...so tak payah la pandang2 aku cam aku ni nak rampas bf kau yg muka tabole blah tu ok?

15. If u did something wrong, admit it. Explain yourself and LEARN. Dont try to pusing2 here n there 10KM and end up on the same spot.fucker betol...

i sounded emo.wtf

Bitch

Some girls are so bitchy talking behind other people's back till i feel like giving my front kick to their face so they'll finally realize they cant fool everyone with their beauty..but then again...cantik ke kau???

Karma is such a bitch..when it bites,u'll find urself having difficulties to deal with it.haih..babi betul..

My work turned out to be the utmost bitchy cz it bores the fuck outta me.

AND seriously,i need a fuckin vacation cz my hatred towards everything im going thru now has gone beyond my expectation.

i give up on you. Watching u and admiring ur moves everyday nuff to make me feel like a loser.

Exam Result

my sister called up asking me if i checked my result.i thought result will be announced on monday.i quickly logged in student portal.dgn rase tak bersalah atau nervous i clicked on exam result site.know wat...turned out i passed all papers!! unbelievable.BECAUSE im pretty sure that i did bad on my last paper as stated on my previous entry.i quickly checked on subject code.so i passed.lemme tell u smtg...on my last paper,i left most of the essay's section BLANK.simply because i dont know wat to elaborate or wat to answer.before final exam,the lecturer gave out 2 assignments.an individual assignment and group assignment.i didnt submit my individual assignment.why?because i dont know how to do it.i have been given a chance to submit it before or on the exam day itself but i didnt do it.because i dont knw how.wat is axiom means anyway?i dont elaborate axiom or make any research about tht stupid axiom.


TADA~ tgk tgk aku lulus la....spot the interpersonnal communication..hahahahah i passed!!!!never thought wud pass la kan...im not saying im not thankful...tp it was so unbelievable...but believe it..cewah cam ripley's believe it or not kan..hahaha semua tekejut weh aku pass...tp aku tetap xpuas ati kene amik BEL250 yg the whole class da amik...aku benci ketinggalan paper English..isshhhhhh

Spring cleaning

So ermm...
was supposed to update this long ago.woke up around 10 n headed to puteri's hse.she's moving to another house located in sec13.since the lorry will be arriving around 2.30pm and she havent pack a single thing,so i help her out.im tellin ya,she have bunch of clothings (tees,hoodies,pants,shorts etc) and she told me she only have few of them.wtf.

byk gila til we dont know which one shud we start.so,we segregate everything.i told her to fold her clothes so its easier to unpack when she reach her new home.she ended up taking the whole thing and place it in the plastic T__T told her not to do tht liao la...knowing her i know she wont fold it nicely and stuff it on her wardrobe.

dis is what we (...or she?) did when both dont know which one to start.and guess wat...she can fit in the box.she's too thin unlike me T__T

puteri and her housemate sbnrnye..menternak sampah...gila byk sampah...haih...and being women themselves,they stuffed the house wt their shoes.i swear...they got A WHOLE LOT.andddd puteri stuffed 2 standard boxes of her handbags/sling bags.i barely got any T__T aku tatau la nape perempuan2 ni beli semua2 bende tu when they still have many of them.aku xtipu...penuh sampah dr barang hahaha

we finished cleaning up the house around 12.headed to secret receipe before that.had many dishes and i was a fucked pregnant whale.and we continue unpack everything and i went home by 2am.da lama x berpeluh..skali kuar peluh..ha kau..mandi berjuta kali.i was super tired on that nite but it was quite fun,done cleaning and helping this unwanted child clearing her stuff.i feel like a mother wtf

owh btw..her housemate is an annoying bitch haha

BFF day out

i did bad on my last paper 'interpersonal communication' and felt really bad about it.becauuuuuse,i cant study.sleptover at puteri's hse the night before paper and was supposed to study but....i ended up watching E! channel til dawn T___T


i ve gone beserk the next morning bcz i know i wud flunk the paper.trying to clear my mind and focus on at least one bloody chapter.i cudnt even elaborate one term...benci :(


i talked to fie about it and she told me not to think about it too much cz obviously i ve walked out from the exam hall.i was super uncomfortable thinking about the upcoming result.huh br tau skang..br nak menggelabah.i never been like this before...i mean even since i was in high school.when i got in UiTM,i tell myself not to take this chance lightly.but u know...being me,always take things carelessly.

i went out with fie on saturday after work.we did some movie marathon.not knowing wat to do we simply choose 'what happen in vegas' and 'speed racer'.Vegas is one hell of a hilarious story cast by cameron diaz and ashton kutcher.since the next movie was an hour gap we decided to treat our-fat-selves some secret receipe.we ordered bunch of food and fie ended up finishing the whole meal haha...we were late for speed racer and rushed to jusco again.on the way there fie told me that Rain(not hujan..the actor) act in that movies.i tulan her dee...cz i dont like that pretty kid.urgghhh..the speed racer movie....is too futuristic for my liking.so we left after 15-20 mins watching that fake racing.

off to sunway and decided to stopped by Rainforest.me and fie had a freaking long conversation about me and 'him', her and her annoying colleagemate.haha so while we were talking, i was sms-ing puteri asking where she up to that night.and ended up she was there as well.she saw me seeking for table.i asked if i can join since she was alone.so me n fie for a lil while and off to p.klang.dad called and tellin me head home.

this entry is boring,i know.cz i got no mood to blog.wtf.

Random

so i havent been blogging for quite some time now.being such a lazy ass to update eventho i have the laptop in the room.exam week started last week and LORD,please make me realise that it is so important for me to study.i didnt worry shit about the exam..and its more like i dont really give a fuck about it.and it worries me T__T

i have been going out with few friend for the past few weeks.and spent so much money on food and i wonder y my money was gone even before the next salary.wtf

on the 20th,there was a company event held in pyramid.i woke up around 10 trying to call tuan puteri maslinda farahiyah cz we were planning to go there together.but wth..she woke up at 11 and i waited for her until 12 for her to get ready.anddddddd...before we reached there (bile baru gerak fm shah alam to be exact) wani called up and said our team won 1st place and the event just ended.wtf.dgn rase bersalah serta takut,i speed up and reached the in 20 mins.and straight headed to bowling alley.WTF??semua team da tade....and i thought 'mampos la aku kene bahan esok' because when we had our family day last year,after dinner i was supposed to have this lepak2 with my SA2 team at the beach but i was too tired.so i went there with SA1G team which most of them are the executives.my Sa2 team ckp aku tanak kwn ngan operator level when they found out that i went out with the evecutives.T__T wtf my story is so confusing.

anyway,after keluar fm bowling alley terus pegi cari saki baki SA2-ian at pizza and apologized for being late.after that me and put3 went for lunch at korean rest.i had my i-dont-know-what dish.says in the menu beef with vege.but tau ade ape dlm tu?beef with taugeh.wtf.i dont eat taugeh.taste horrible.put3 had gyoza (dumpling) which xsedap pun..and she had carrot juice.being clumsy herself splat her drinks on my side-dish vege.

Colorful rite?

and being silly.she's cute rite?and she wonders why ppl likes her.blegh

after that we straight headed to NZ Neutral ice cream. each had 2 scoops which makes me bloody happy.i was like a lil kid asking her mummy whether it is ok to grab a few scoops and puteri melayankan aku.huh amik kau.eat like babi nia.then smoke outside J.Co. we went for a movie 'Street King' staring Keanu Reeves.damn song la the movie.i have to grab the popcorns from puteri to avoid her letting go of everything she hold.she had this Midas Touch.Execpt that she dont turn everything she touch into gold but she let go or break everything she touched hahaha then rite we went smoking again...damn sad case dunno wat to do.we kinda met put's big bro.that blur case punya budak rite,took quite few second to regonize her bro.wtf.but her niece...damn chubby..gila tembam wei...comel nak mampos dow.

i dont quite remember what happened next..but for sure i sent her back home and guess i straight headed to the hood.

wtf.i sounded fucking bored in this fucking entry which i ve postponed MANY days alrdy.

Wound

Another turn down
The pain that i thought had gone strikes yesterday
Once again,it blew my mood away
That strike caused so much pain that i hardly breathe
But i tell myself,it can be healed
and i tell myself everything will be fine

but who r u kidding here?

Tagged

I ve been tagged by the great farra nellie suria
Never been tagged before but yeah..guess i just gonna have to do it.

what's inside my bag.

Wallet- i dont have any fave brand so i simply chosed this one black wallet.i've got my i-setan membership card,ID,lisence,ING card, PB card, medical card, blood group card,MPK summon,business cards inside.no cash.i dont stuff cash inside.

iPOD - my black classic ipod with pink casing (i dont pick the casing,my sister did)

Dunhill Light & Lighter - yes aku perokok.ade masalah ke?

Sean John Unforgivable perfume - smells nice.i like the strong scent.next buy - BVLGARI SOIR.giler best rase mcm nak make love ngan perfume pon ade hahaha

Phones - i got my Z610i, another 2 nokias.

Make ups - actually bukan make up pon.basic je.utk emergency.powder,gloss,lip balm,cream.

Charger - i got my ipod and sony ericsson charger.giler organized kan haha

Others - Koala keychain by Effie, TLS & UiTM pass, tah mende lg tah.

yg lain2 sume resit2 je..i stuff many things inside.i never really keep it neat.

i got no one to tag.i dont really know who read this blog.so whoever read this,u've been tagged by me :)

GOOD DAY

Another Betrayal

People take me for granted,people use me to get things that they want.never assume i dont know,i know how they roll.
People lie to me because they think im young and stupid.never assume i'd buy it all,i know how they roll.
People hurt me because they know i can easily forgive and be chirpy again.but baby,i dont forgive and i dont forget,i know how they roll.

Please note that im not as stupid as u people think.i might be young and look as if i dont give a fuck.BUT i remember EVERY single thing been spoken to me and i remember EVERY promise people made.i am very sensitive with what happen around me.i examine everything,i relate things.i think before i speak.and i can sense when people r telling me lies.i am beyond ur expectations,therefore im dangerous.never fuck with me.u dont know what i'd do to hurt.

Current Obsession

Me, Fairuz is so bloody happy after few months in confusion.i get to talk to him for quite long tonight.i dont get his intention being so cute on the phone.maybe he was just tired after a long day at work but i swear i was melting all the way hahaha.i kinda indirectly make my confession.i dont think he even realised.maybe he thought i was just kidding.because i dont think i sounded serious either.ya know,being me, i dont take things seriously most of the time.it was so nice talking to him and i felt slighly relieved after telling him that.i really like his character.and he sounded just like 'him' comel je..terkam kang tau la hahaha wtf but dude,i really like u la.but i know to have him,is impossible.so someone,pls slap me back to reality.lame,i know.

there have been few gossips about me and few fellows in this group and i kinda feel uncomfortable about it.i dont like to be gossip-ed.it sucks cz i dont really know how to snap at them.cz they're friends so i'll end up blushing.wtf.

i dont really like going to work these days but i know if i dont work,how am i supposed to get the money AND i'll be dead bored staying at home alone watching tv.lagipun my colleagues are fun to hang out with.very gila punya kepala.i've been asked this morning what do i do the most when im free...it kept me thinking for a while but i ve been going out for a drink more than 4 times a day.membanyakkan air.wtf.

im too happy la cant really blurt it out.its easier when i was on my gloomy days.wtf

DUDE,I LIKE U........A LOT

Finally

Finally, i could update this blog...

fuck blogger

Nerd

i found a place to rent some books and went in 2 days ago.since i kinda have my financial problem or having this unable-to-spend-money-wisely issue,i decided to rent the books there.see above.those are my new read.hahaha so happy cz i am dying to have new books to read and yet no money to buy.i have finished reading 2 books that i bought in 3 days.

i told myself to calm down and keep myself occupied most of the time.on weekdays im busy with work and classes at night(i often skip class,so prolly i go out for drink with friends) and weekend i am busy with work/replacement class from morning until evening and late afternoon I'll have my Japanese class and at night either I'm on the road alone or go for drink,again.sunday...work again and hang out with people who got nothing to do on Sunday.wtf my English is getting worse.simply because im not in the mood to blog.but whatever.

last sunday,i went to rahmath's wedding at Hin Hua School in Klang.she's my age and she's married.almost 80% of my girlfriends are married wtf.and they kept asking when is my turn including effie.well,i went there with effie,viv and phyn.rahmath is ok la,since im never been so close to her since high school...and one thing that makes me uncomfortable being in the hall was,we were in the center of attention.rahmath is an indian muslim got married to her husband,also an indian muslim.so obviously the majority of the guests were Indian Muslim.i have nothing against them but...they keep looking at us.no,they stared at us.we did nothing except for sitting at the table to makan2 and all la kan...and the girls kept talking to me in Chinese,i hardly can reply them.heck my Chinese is hell teruk dy.kanasai.so after makan2 session we jalan2 looking for rahmath and then we went for cam whoring.haha so sien until dunno what to do.after cam whoring session we left and lepak at their house.watch tv and wrapped the present and off to rahmath's hse.waited for her while watching GOTHIKA.since it was an extremely hot day,Effie gotten really uncomfortable and me n Viv annoyed her wit our senseless jokes haha.it was very fun.AND we plan for a vacation to Redang Island before viv off to Aussie to study.so we re going to Redang on May,yay!

and i love teaching Japanese to the kids in Taman Firdaus.they're fun and excited answering the question.i thought it would be plain boring,u know teaching these mischievous little brats.

i guess that would be all.im tired

Fucked up month

I DONT HAVE ANY LAPTOP ANYMORE
BLOODY HELL!

Excuse my bloody bad words will be used in this entry.because i am super fucked up.if u have problem with it u may click on 'x' button on the top of ur window.thanks hell fucking much,SON!

God hates me this month.i've been through such bloody days.my dad sent my laptop to his friend to find out what went wrong with it since i couldnt switch it on months ago (due to my laziness br skang aku tau bukan battery nye yg rosak.fucker).and know what?turned out my laptop screwed the whole fucking thing.

dad: kwn abah kate laptop ni dah rosak abis.motherboard rosak tade spareparts and also the bios
me:bloody hell!

i feel betrayed!by friends again..motherfucker!i shouldnt be so nice to people.please take note that i am not going to treat u people that nice anymore.

i went out with effie the other day and we laughed about our old days love stories.and even when we were in high school ponteng2 class.hahaha it was so fun.i talked to her about my feelings and i felt a lot better.she knew whole lot things about me.

i miss him :( i miss talking to him the way we used to.oi i fucking miss u la!!!

i just realised my lil bro and sisters has grown up.my lil sisters are now begin to tell stories about their bfs :) i feel old.bloody hell!as usual my lil bro been changing gf every now and then.but me n him have a talk last night im glad he is now taking his study seriously and he is talking about the future.about completing his diploma and start to look for serious relationship.awwww my lil bro dah besar siot.but not having them in the house makes me feel so lonely.i mean i still have my parents but i dont tell things to my parents that much.we kinda have finacial problem.dad has been transferred to wilayah and we r moving to our house in shah alam.the thing is,we dont really have that much money to get house renovated.as in 60K?bloody hell expensive,fucker!

the other day,i was trying to have conversation with my director.BUT i slipped my fucking tounge.i've tried,in japanese mind u.it is so hard and i feel stupid.i used to have this ability to speak japanese fluently,or i thought so..but this time i barely remember how to speak the easiest way of communication.and my colleague make me realise that i have a problem with my pronouncation.they bloody laugh at me.kanasai.my english is getting worst.damn worst.i feel stupid trying to memorize the words everytime i need to work on my reports.hell fuck.i even made few attempts to translate malay words to english...fuck!that bad u see.i should start watching japanese drama and english movies again..haih

i feel relieved =)

Betrayal

it hurts :(
it hurt so much that i think it cud never heal

anyone knows how to get over these kinda pain?
i'll pay u my whole month salary to take this pain away...pls

i do sound so yucky here rite?
gila emo
gila jiwang.wtf
i couldnt help it :(

who says its easy to overcome betryals?

On the Ground

Whenever u see me fall and not being myself at this particular moment,
dont show me sympathy,
dont try to show me that u care,
dont tell me to get over it,
dont tell me to be happy,
dont tell me u r worry,
dont help,
just let me be.

This way,i will taste my own medicine
This way,i will learn my lesson,
that it was my mistake for letting u ppl in,
and it was a big mistake to lay a tiny trust,
though i know no one will appreciate,
my bad,
my stupidity.

By the time when i already pick myself up from this fall,
Never expect me to buy all ur stories again.
This way, i learn fast.

Bullshits

I guess cupid hates me. Instead of making a confession, I am now thinking of giving up. I don’t think my confession really matter. And I don’t think he would care either. And I believe it will lead to a fucking fall which I don’t think I could handle. I never make any confession especially when it comes to this kind of declaration. So I don’t wanna sorry for myself after letting it out,at this wrong moment. And I don’t think there is a right moment to bring this thing up either. So I guess, this is it. Stop this feeling. I don’t wanna have this kinda feeling inside me. When it comes to this one bloody point, i believe when u r in love or out of love, u r never really urself. U tend to think negatively, u tend to do something stupid, and think that the whole world is against u. This is one of the moment when I really need my friends around but they never really there. I just realize best friend, or they might call it 'true friend' never really exist. It’s just a fucking hell myth created by the intelligent people so we could make ourselves better,thinking of the appreciation by people who slightly close to us. I don’t think I need one either. Because I have experienced many times, that friendship ALWAYS betray. Friends DO care about how do u look like, they way u dress up, the way of living and how popular u r. and don’t tell me that u don’t. I just hate humanity. People around don’t really care about u,they always backstab. They tell lies because they just love they feeling when u re buying all those bullshits. They love looking at ur face enjoying how u make a fool of urself. FRIENDSHIP IS BULLSHIT!! Or is it just me?

Im at the state of giving up. Im giving up my friendship, my studies and my work. Everything seems so wrong and fake. BUT sleeping pills never betray. Nitey people. Have a sweet dream, fucker!

Silent Night

since the laptop is still in the room,i ve decided to post an entry.just to jolt down something..something in my mind.been bothering my bloody week.long ago,since in my teenage years until now(cewah cam da tua plak)...i thought i have bestfriends,i thought i have some close friends.but NONE of them were there when i really needed them.even if they were,they dont really help.do i sound selfish?NO,i dont.well..maybe they do help..or maybe i dont let them.i dont know BUT i know that no one is there when i need them.i tend to keep everything to myself.i dont do confessions and i dont whine about hows life been treating me.okay,maybe i have..but not too much.i hate it when people think they know me so well and tell the whole world that they are my bestfriends.i just realise i dont really have bestfriends.i hate being the one who cry herself to sleep this whole bloody week for no particular reasons.Haya told me i always pretend that im fine when im not.she told me i should let it out,so i could at least breathe again.but then again,to whom?someone im comfortable with?i dont really have that someone.i hate being alone,by myself not knowing what to do or where to go.im a very negative person,im paranoid.everytime i fag..i always think about some negative stuff,happened and about to happene or will never happen.i sometimes imagine myself gone totally insane if my family is not around anymore.u know,since family never betray..i never knew what will happen to me if they're gone.im not an independant kinda girl.im dependable,i dont do stuff on my own.i need someone to help me.i remember when i involved in 2 accidents last year,the 1st person i call wud be my dad.who do i share my daily stories and routines?wud be my parents.but i dont share my sadness with them.i dont share my love stories with them.anyway,to avoid me being all stupid thinking about all those negative stuff,i occupy myself with 2 new books that i bought yday's evening.i havent been reading for years already,i jz started around last year and it excites me.i must buy at least 2 or 3 books to make sure i dont have to cry in order to have a nice sleep at nite.

the heck....i dont know what have i confessed but i feel a lilttle better now.watever.dont feel like checking all the grammer or even the entry.

latest book bought

Tell Me Why,Mummy by David Thomas - based on true story (oh i love these based-on-true-story books)

Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella - addicted to her writing after reading her 'Can You Keep A Secret?)

Confession

Should i confess?
or shouldnt i?

my ego is up to the sky
if i let it down,it would be fucking embarasssing
this is killing me inside
but i somehow need to let it out
to him, maybe
to friends,maybe
to strangers,maybe

second thought...
i shouldnt confess
because
it'll ruin the friendship
it'll ruin the whole feeling
bad bad move,
NO

How do you like me now?

2 days ago i went to the doctor..i am not feeling well..i dont feel good.the doctor told me im just fine...but deep inside..i know thats wrong..i know i'm sick.i know im ill.i know im not fine..but then again he said im all good and so i began to question myself what went wrong.perhaps ive been thinking too much..perhaps im lost..perhaps im down..perhaps i feel bad or maybe i am sad..coz these days have been rough.these days have been hard.i looked in the mirror..i couldnt believe my eyes..i hardly know myself..where was once this fine girl..where was once this honest smile..and all i see now is a broken soul and a plain empty smile.a smile made to mask the sorrow.a smile faked to conceal my tears inside.but then ive learnt my biggest lesson in life.life isnt always a bed of roses.life isnt all about happy endings.at times everything u want in life isnt everything u need.at times everything u need isnt everything u want in life..and at times nothing answers everything...and everything doesnt answer anything u want at times.i wish i could bear that in me.and i wish i could say this more often..'goodbye sadness,hello happiness'............

Faded,not

i thought the feeling slowly faded away
i thought i could get over him
i thought i wouldnt miss him anymore
i thought i could move on
because i know, i never had him

but
why do i feel sad
why do i get so depressed
why do i have to be jealous
why do i feel worthless, just because i cant have him

i dont wanna feel this way everyday.
i hate to have this low self esteem issue
i wanna be grateful to be what i am
but seriously, what am i?

P/S : Farra, 'he' is not who u think he is :)

Truth

he is soooo hugable...
he smells very, very nice..
he has this cute laugh...
he always put on cute smiles..
bloody intelligent...
and what really matters, he make me feel alive


BUT, he is not mine.

L.O.V.E

How do u define love?
How do u know that u're in love?

i used to define my love stories as a sad song.i still define it that way.as i grow i learn that not everything goes the way we want it to be.sometimes u need to sacrifice,u need to feel what it is like to be heart broken,u need to see someone else gets hurt because of u and sometimes u need to be selfish,just to make sure u wont do the same mistake twice.i have learn so many things in life which related to what we called -LOVE

everyone deserved to love and to be loved.no matter what is their size,their looks,how smart or stupid or how popular or the other way around.these days,u hardly find someone who appreaciate u for who u are.probably none out of 10.these days people are selfish,so selfish that they tend to hurt people around them.

i have friends who were married and there are various of stories..some got cheated by their bfs,betrayed by the husband and vice versa.when i listens to their confessions,their complains,their sad hums,it makes me think twice to have a relationship.i seriously have nothing against guys,male by gender.but i find them are quite heartless.some are very cruel.it sadden me to see those who couldnt pick up themselves after a fall.they got hurt and they think it is too hard to handle that they tend to end it in an easy way-commit suicide.

I,as one of those people who hardly pick themselves up after a fall.i find it so difficult to face the emotions.i used to have a really hard times to get over it.that is why when it comes to relationship,when it comes to the thought of having romantic partner,i always think hundreds of time when it comes to commitment.i have this fear of being left alone,the fear of getting hurt too much that would lead me to do dumb stuffs.Unlike other people,i dont do confessions,i dont do crying in front of friends or family and i dont express my sad feeling to other people.even to those i trusted.because i know,once they found out they figure one of my weaknesses.and i dont like that.i dont like people to see my weaknesses when i happen to appear positive in front of them.i dont like people to show their sympathy because when they does that,i feel so much like a loser.and when my haters see me that way,they would probably threw a party to celebrate the winnings.in short,i hate face to face confessions when it comes to feelings.

i guess this is an emo post.but who cares..its my blog anyway.

i miss him being him.because i feel so alive when he is around :)

i have issues

Insensitivity
Due to my extreme emotionally unstable yesterday, so many things popped out in my head.i was thinking about those who were being insensitive over certain things.and to my dissapointment those people are whom i call friends.i hate this kind of people.u see, when u r being too friendly with people,they calls u a bitch but when u stands up for urself they said u r trying to be smart.i am in this situation where friends among me make fun of each other.and i DONT mind with that.but we are also colleagues,working in the same company,go for lunch together and we hang out together.a group of among us is working in the same department,one of the an utmost important departmant in the company and they hardly have the same understanding.

FACE it here people,at work we have to be professional.pls pls pls diffrentiate work and personal.i totally disagree about underestimating other people.most of the colleagues i hang out with are among the executive level and above(asst manager,HODs).since we are used to make fun of each other,this habit have been carried out on working hours as well.AND one thing i hate about these insensitive people, that they tend to underestimate u as a low level worker and u totally have no right to protest as they'll label u as a whiner.where is the justice in that?what is wrong being a clerk?im a clerk myself and i felt insulted..those who were insulting u not just anyone,they're close friends.

Betrayal
what wud u feel when someone close,very close to u betrayed u?what wud u do?i actually experienced this situation once.this incident gives a big impact in my life (well as for this moment) as sometimes when i sit alone i often reminisce the past.i can say its damn fucked up.i hate to accept the fact that someone close (used to)was actually backstabbing me.it hurts u know..until now.sometimes u jz cant get over it..when u used to trust someone,and she messed up n u realised u shouldnt be trusting anyone again.i will never let bad things happen to me twice...i will never let the same person or anyone make me feel the same way i felt.this goes for relationship and friendship.but i know family never betray :)

LOSERS AND SON OF A BITCH
now lets talk about this oh-i-am-the-most-wanted-dude-on-earth kind of guy and those who are married but tend to play around looking for other women.i mean if u were planning to tie a knot with the girl,then it's fine.BUT u only look for them for the sake of fun.i mean what if the same situation happen to the guys.what would they feel?betrayed?sad?..yeah same goes to we women,whom u happily make love with,let ur sperm all swim inside us and deliver ur babies,taking care of u and the children and this is what we women always,always get.women have a very sensitive heart,appreciate them.take care of us and love us like no other.i am very sensitive when it comes to this kind of betrayal.whats worst,when u son of a bitch,get caught by ur wives or gfs.and lets list 5 of the most top fucking lame excuses

1. 'She's just a friend.a normal girl friend' - wtf
2. 'Its a casual date.no feelings involve' - wtf
3. 'I was just playing around.I dont love her' - wtf
4. 'We were discussing.Business matters'- wtf
5. 'Its out nature.We get attacted by the beauty' - wtf

i would like to list more but i think above are the most popular reasons blurt out by these male gender.why would they do that?if u know that its not the time to have family,to commit and to break hearts,then dont get married or have a relationship.True?Male are VERY selfish.when it comes them everything have reasons behind the action but when it comes to us,explainations are not acceptable.where is the justice in that?im not against them,im just pointing out what i think is right.like it or not this is the fact.

btw..i took some time to finish my entries because i dont have my laptop at this moment.

Be Mine

i just bought 2 books this afternoon to kill the boredom.besides i wasnt in the mood of reading or doing assignment or any revision on my studies.BUT i have 2 quizes coming up tomorrow's evening..im not quite happy about this new blog as i dont really have the mood to blurt out things..tp nak share some of the books i've read.

i read this book about few months ago..i havent finish reading this book tho but its all about letting go.how bad u wanted to let go but u cudnt.this book tells u how to do it..its more on motivation kinda book.i think its good but i failed to do as the book says.

PS I LOVE YOU

i loooooooove this book.owh..the second pic taken from the movie recently released.i prefered the book than the movie tho.seriously, i never shed a tear reading novels...ever!be it english or malay novel but this book got me pretty emotional.i can actually feel her especially when she is trying so hard to overcome her husband's death.imagine u have to go ur future days with ur most loved ones.haih..being too emotional already. i highly recommend this book rather than the movie.thought the movie wud be a blast.i love the feeling when it comes to her opening the next letter and everytime she misses him too much.hahaha i can actually imagine im being her..wtf

i bought this book today and i was attracted to the synopsis that said if u live with ur husband for more tha 15 years and bored with the same sex life,would u turn for strangers that drop notes for you says' be mine'.hmmm interesting huh...i havent read the entire book.read few pages but i hardly understand the english been use in the book.see i told ya my english is worsen.wtf

This book....also attracted by the synopsis.i ve read this also a few pages due to my tight schedule.the beginning was quite ok.wait till i finish reading it then i'll edit whether recommended to read or not to.

i wanna read this book:-

another book by Cecilia Ahern.i saw this new front cover in Popular.thought of buying but at that time i dont have sufficient money.but im still looking for the available copy.dammit

Thaipusam

Inspired by someone close, i decided to start a blog again this time.lets wish people a very happy new year!!!(tho it was long ago) anyway...talk about new year,i was thinking about the resolution that i ever had before.i have none really..i don't really pay attention to this resolution-thing since forever.i mean why do you have to set a date to aim when u can achieve it whenever u want rite?that is my point of view la..but lets change some stuff this year....



2008

• to at least lose 5 kg (don't laugh.i gained weight drastically last year)


• to be less mean to people


• to appreciate my family and spend time with them often


• to exercise (kickboxing,sit ups etc)


• to start working efficiently again (i just realise my performance was verrrrrry sucks last year)


• to earn more money


• to at least study and achieve higher point in future semester


• to stop being too nice to people


• to curse less


• to be a grateful person


• not to spend money like...water??(adoii i try alrdy la..kenot leh)


• to start trusting those people do deserve the trust...everyone deserve 2nd chances rite?

i just dont understand those people who illegally do drugs?i mean seriously,when u know drugs cud harm u slow..why wud u be so stupid to consume it too often.ok..some might think i same goes to smoking...but..but smoking will only caused ur lungs get rot..it will not effect ur brain.its diff u know...

im used to not having u around..im used to it already =)...